Losing faith in my mantra
If we’ve been friends or made acquaintance for a while, you’ve probably seen « Stay Resilient and Go for Gold » somewhere. It is my mantra that finds its roots from the Bible; the compass of my life. I can’t tell when I started using it but I know it dates back to my early days in Uni, and has since been the surreptitious anchor of my soul.
However, the past two years turned this sweet-scented honeycomb into miry clay. Duplicating its colour, it left my mouth bitter and bruised. It seeped into my sapwood, sucking out the breath of my thoughts and leaving a heart that once pulsated at the sound of a Columbidae’s morning hymn basking in August’s sizzling sun. In short, I was distraught.
I didn’t want to see my mantra or anything that reminded me of it because it placed so much pressure on my shoulders, my knees weren’t willing to cooperate. Thoughts like “if the towel no longer mops the sweat off your face or serves as a covering, why not throw it in the bin” made so much sense. That was where I was wrong. I failed to realise that the purpose of a mantra isn’t to give you a jolly ride when everything is rosy. Instead, it is the campfire that keeps your winters warm and soothes your pain when your feet have been bruised by icy teeth. It is the morning dew that sits at your window waiting to smile you into the new day. It is that green leaf left hanging on a destitute tree reminding you of hope’s track record of sustaining kingdoms.
That was the change in perspective and a rekindling of my love for my mantra. Gustav Holst & Christina Rossetti’s hymn reiterates my long exposition better,
“ In the bleak midwinter
Frosty wind made moan
Earth stood hard as iron
Water like a stone ”.
Looking back, my soul is satisfied with puddings of hope and peace. I still have tons of unanswered questions hanging on my totem pole; and though my heart has regained its rhythm, it still isn’t devoid of those fiery darts of fear. Nonetheless, I will still Stay resilient and Go for gold.
